at life. Geez, it just seems like everything I've done in the last couple days has just been a failure. I can't do anything right and now I just hate myself. It's come to the point where I just want to be shot and be put out of my failing misery.
Exhibit A:
I have failed yet again. I tried to make cupcake pops and just ended up with a mess. The cake wasn't the fail. That was actually pretty good tasting. It was the rest of it that failed really hard. Actually, maybe the cake did fail. It was really greasy when I was trying to roll it into little balls. That was so disgusting. Man, I used to really like baking, but the last couple attempts I've made have failed miserably. I hate myself.
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| From Food Creations |
Absolutely nothing about this was a success. Every step kept getting worse and worse until I just wanted to smash everything.
This is what it's supposed to look like: http://www.bakerella.com/make-your-cupcakes-pop/
I wish I could just be good at one thing. But I'm not. I suck at everything I do, and then when I finally think I'm doing something right. I realize it's wrong or suddenly I can't do it anymore. I hate myself and I hate my life. But there's no one to blame but myself and the crap luck that I have. I don't blame my parents and I don't blame God. I just blame me and life. Not everyone can be a success. I know I'm not the biggest failure ever. I know that there are others out there that definitely have it worse than me. But right now, none of that seems to matter.
It's times like these when I think, "gosh Rachel, you're such a failure. Why don't you just give up on life. The world would be a much better place without you. Or maybe it doesn't even matter because it's not like I even made a difference in the world. I'm just a tiny spec, tinier than all of the other human specs on the face of the planet. Nobody even knows my name." But then something good usually happens to get me out of my depressed mood. Well, I'm waiting....I'll probably be waiting for the rest of my sad life.
Posts
Holy heck, are you okay? This was a sad read for me. You are not a failure at all. I can think of lots of things you have done well. You are an excellent baker! (btw I thought that cake was good). Come on, everybody knows that! We all make mistakes, no one is perfect. Hello, you passed ochem, with a good grade might I add (and on the first try), that right there is success in my book. Just one of the many examples, but that was one of the biggest and most recent so it stuck in my brain better. Think about it, you do more things right and well than screw up (and we ALL screw up sometime or another). I beg to differ about you not making a difference in the world because you are the best friend I ever had and will have, and you made a difference in my life. I've pretty much always been alone in life until we became friends. So if you think you've done nothing else, at least know that you did that. Who has to tell me how to get places so I don't get lost? Who has to coach me on how to park so I don't hit poles (or cars for that matter!), LOL. All stupid things that I can't do and it's very sad that I can't but you can and you help me. And those are just the very obvious things, there are more complex things that would take much more time to list.
ReplyDeleteI hesitated to post this. I knew that if I did, someone would tell me I'm not a failure, even though I didn't even want to hear that. I just wanted to mope and didn't have any other outlet. But thanks for saying all that stuff. I know that everyone messes up. I was just so mad that I put so much time and effort into this and it just ended up a disaster. And I'm not the only one who put some hard work into it, my mom helped me a lot and so did you. They just ended up stupid. They don't even look like cupcakes to me. I was so mad, I just didn't even want to try again. But my mom convinced me and I guess we're gonna make another attempt. However, I do think they tasted good, I just ate two. I need to stop so other people can taste them and tell me what they think.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I thought was probably it but then you said you hated yourself and your life so I was beginning to get a bit worried. I know it's annoying to hear stuff like "no you're not" when you're mad so sorry about that. I know I don't like to hear that but then again in my case I'm right and everyone else is just saying that so it frustrates me even more, lol.
ReplyDeleteI was just being over dramatic because I was mad and nobody was awake so I had to be quiet with my anger and it lead to this and everything snowballed. I couldn't yell to get the anger out but what I really wanted to do most was pick everything up and throw it. But I was already mad that I made a mess and had to clean it up and I didn't want to clean more up.
ReplyDeleteOK, I just saw the pic now because it wasn't loading last night. I do too think they look like cupcakes!!
ReplyDeleteI guess everyone thinks they look like cupcakes except me. I saved you 2 of them BTW, that's all I could save because my sister wanted 15 of them to hand out as thank you presents for the football fundraiser. I'll try to drop them by tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteAww, thank you for saving some for me. I can't wait to eat them.
ReplyDeleteI would have given you more if it wasn't for my sister wanting to give some to people and me eating about 10 of them, actually I think I ate more like 11 or 12 now that I calculated.
ReplyDeleteLOL, that's ok! I am happy just to get to taste it. :)
ReplyDelete